I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
