I can text with my tongue
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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