you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
