you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
