Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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