wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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