He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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