well you can't waste a boner
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
