When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
