She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
