I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
