her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
