Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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