I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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