I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
