I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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