You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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