mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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