I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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