I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
