I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
