You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
