Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you never un-have a 4some
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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