Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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