haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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