Kiss
Puke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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