Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
