Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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