You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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