I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
