you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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