My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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