Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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