I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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