you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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