After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
