you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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