Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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