A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
