I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
