somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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