I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
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Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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