he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
