It's like God shit irony all over that family
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
