I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize