dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
