Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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