At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
