i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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