So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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