He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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