Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
