Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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