Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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