I didn't shave. On purpose
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
