i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
