Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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