As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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