I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
