i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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